I love my life and my kids and all that life has blessed me with but my goodness do I hit the end of my rope fast, well if I can get past the noose! I have many days anymore that I have to ask God did he assign the right person to this gig. These kids are exhausting me. Devin whom is almost 2, and has already perfected it, well that should say it all, He is perfect for his age, all boy, all attitude, for which he does get from me, and all personality in one sitting I could laugh, cry and yell at him. So for the love of this little boy and all that he is, he drives me in circles more than the rest. He naps beautiful, usually eats wonderful, loves to be busy, into everything, thinks he is a big guy and can tell you what to do in his own language for which at this point I can hardly understand, but he has a lot to say. At the moment he wants to play pool with the big kids and just told me so, in his own words, even leaned in to say it slow so I could understand him better. His Brother runs me in circles the opposite direction, Brenden is 12 and the sweetest loveable trying preteen. He is finding his way and if I could find the patience , Brenden would be just fine. I came from a home of little communication and guidance and therefore I am tryign to save Brenden often, this is overwheling to him. Brenden is motivated when he wants and does not perform when pushed in any direction. So we bump heads when I feel he should be achieving more, I have high expectations, this to make up for no one expecting a thing from me. I had no direction and no clue when I was young and it took me down a distructive path. I was looking hard for many things in many ways and all of it ended up in a dead end. When I felt I was done I met my knight. We will get to him later though.
My boys, my beautiful wonderful blessings. They are truly a gift and I went through alot of emotions and pain to have them. I have health issues that hinder me and pregnancy complicated things more, but those little guys made it and with their own amazing stories that I will have to type out one of these blog days.
So I search, not that I want to be a supermom or anything I just want to be better than I am, better than what I was raised with, better as I know I can be. Its a journey that I didnt know I would be taking and now that I have been blessed with it and many other things I need to breath, feel, love, accept, find patience in it. Life is fast. So this is my first day at this, it may help for me to type it out, read it later, maybe someone will know what I am feeling and have words of wisdom that someone forgot to pass down to me when I was child that would have brought all this parenting thing together. No matter what here I am and here we go
