Brenden's teachers never responded, well maybe they did, they sent the message to the counselor who sent it to the crisis counselor, who in turn emailed me saying he would talk to Brenden. He also sent me two names of men ( at my earlier request for a motivational counselor). The one person I didn't feel anything when I read the name, strange of me I know. The other is Roger Wohldman
Strategies for Effective Change, ok that just sounds wonderful to me, so I called. Roger called back and he listened and he sounded laid back and soft spoken, that may appeal to Brenden. If you can have patience for Brenden then you can connect with him, in that sense he is like Brad. I use to tell Brad his snow white of a mom gave him too much attention, He talks in great detail, (great listener too) kind of guy. He is truly a wife's dream, he just drives me nuts! HA! (Kidding obviously, I love him)
so I told Roger about how
a.I want Brenden to be Brenden
I just want someone to tell me that everything I*we) think and that I (we)am doing is on track and I (we) just have to drag him through the school setting and get him to graduation (this I was told by my energy therapist by the way, years ago) Still maybe I need another to say it and then learn my speech from here on out to every set of teachers he has.
2. I want Brenden to learn coping skills for school and how he is to get through it.
c. I want to maintain self esteem and positive attitude even if bad grades are going to be the normal here.
(for those of you that caught that, the a.2.c. would make only Brad proud)
This all brought a renewed sense of hope, pride, and thought process of what I can be doing to help this unique child of mine. I have always said Brenden refuses to fit in any category us adults have set up to line children up for some damn statistic or curve.
Brenden needs his own category, hence my making a list previously of who he is, like me, we are many things, perfect is far from it and trying to act perfect , that skin just doenst feel right on me. I am openly honest and I hope to teach Brenden to be the same way. BUT he has been lying latley, but honestly if your mom lectured and adults harped on you and you dont want to hear it you would lie too. I dont thinks its ok, AT ALL! BUT I don't blame the kid at all, it was pretty smart of him actually to be thinking how he would problem solve this one. So we talked yesterday how its still not a good thing to be doing, its a bad habit and it makes a false statement about who you are. Honesty can be painful but with me, his mom, its the best policy to have. We can work through anything my love bug.
The school has started a web site where you can log in and see all grades broken down, so rather than them saying he has a whatever grade, I can see WHY he has that grade. His grades are poor due to him not turning work in or turning in late. OK this work is done, I know he has it, did it and he doesn't know why its not turned in? As we talked he said that class is a confusion of talking and what not, well to someone that is easily distracted that would keep you from hearing turn your papers in or anything the teacher is telling you for that matter. Brenden is also a one on one. You know how when children are small you say "Look at mommy" when you are trying to get them to follow directions, well Brenden is like that still, you connect with him he is aware of what is expected, he could still get sidetracked, but it does help.
So I emailed the teachers requesting that they try this out, When Brenden walks in to your class personally ask for his work. Lets see if turning his work in shoots those grades back up, he has all A and B's on tests, what does that tell you?!
We will go see the guy Roger on Monday, I am breathing fresh air with Brenden right now, continuing with the dinner help, chores, we have never been good about that stuff. But if I can retrain me to stick to a routine for my kids it will be beneficial.
Brad is agreeing to all this, poor guy has sooooo freakin much to deal with at work and works such long hours, he listens when I call and hating computers as he does, he will respond to emails of mine or construct his own to me.
He is supporting my wanting to walk through this with Brenden rather than him wanting to let him fail and see what that does. I have a bad feeling about that so we ditched that idea. If he fails even after all my work than that I have to live with. Brad is concerned that Brenden will not be able to survive the real world, I told him that school doesn't do that we do that, teach him what he needs, cook, clean, laundry, washing himself, minor car repairs, home repair, communication skills, what not.
We know this kid who is in his mid 20's, biggest player we have ever seen, parents did it all for him and he still lets them, but he did fine in school. Brad didn't want to see Brenden turn out like him, I said that has to do with us, not so much school.
so we feel good , we feel great, we feel wonderful. Everyday is a new day, a chance to start over, a chance for change.
I told Brenden we pay taxes, the school gets those taxes to pay the teachers to teach him, therefor, they work for him, put them to work, ask if you don't get it, get extra help when you need it,request what you need. The worst anyone can do for you is say NO! Then you tell me and we will work through it.
Many prayers are going out for this, But I truly think God has been guiding me thus far, so I feel high energy on these decisions.
There is this place in my heart that says
"I didnt give up on my son when he was in my belly and the doctors gave me such horrible news about my heart and about my unborn child. I didnt give up then and I am not about to give up on him now"
