THE WEEKEND!

So this weekend, I am in such a funk around this house and my family and its so much I don't feel like typing about it just yet, but to put it in short I am feeling depressed, my hubby always at work and me so much with the kids. Brenden I want to see him doing more, with dad, with friends, with activities. I feel it is all up to me to see him doing something with himself. Does Brad not know to look out for these kids since his dad was absent most of the time? I don't know but I work hard to full up this childhood thing. I took Brenden the other day to spend a gift card at Bass Pro he got A YEAR AGO. He decided on a fishing pool since he has been wanting to go fishing. Far be it for me to think that maybe he would say something to his dad and Brad say well lets go do that, we have a lake in our subdivision. Well anyway I ended up telling him lets put this poll together, and I took him fishing, he only lasted in the heat 30 minutes while I sat in a chair with an umbrella, shielding myself from the death rays the sun was giving off. Then I told Brenden I would take him to see a movie of his choice, that left Brad with Devin. Brenden was so happy, he was pumped, cheery, all smiles, I felt I did a good mom thing for him.
Brad I know wants to do more with his kids, but there is so much work all around him. Some of it I try to get him to let it go, but he cant. I don't think he knows how, and that scares me. I give him my list I am up his toosh for things I want done, but I do ask him not to worry about it, Just to play pool yesterday he had to vacuum the top of the cover off, it was messy, but then he started to vacuum the table to, it was like just play a game already. But Brad does nothing half way. I DO! I am ADD, he is details. Brenden is me, Devin is Brad. So the weekend was good, and not so good, we fought off and on. Our carpenters came and did all trim and doors. I let Brenden drive my suv in a school parking lot, wanted him to see what it felt like. Brad said you will just teach him to take your car out, I say I just taught him to drive if he decided to do something stupid like take my car out. Brad is rules I am how do we get along with the rules and bend them a bit. We both ended up not feeling well last night (overnight) I was middle of the night, Brad was today, Was it the food or was it the stress, maybe both. We will get through this as we get through everything else, one day at a time, one drink at a time, one sigh at a time.
I have enough to work on with me, if I keep working there then everything else can slide in to place. Through all my bad thoughts this weekend I would run through them and then try to find the better light in it, how can I make it better, why do I feel this way and how do I change that bad feeling. Brad has so much going on, I wish there were more of him to go around, I wish there was more of me to go around, for now we will deal with what is left and hope for a refueling soon, on that note I need church and singing, it always helps.