This is the letter I sent to Brenden's teachers today
I am so frustrated, and something has to click, every year the same thing, same concerns.
Dear teachers
This is a tough situation we are in with Brenden, today he was out of school due to being sick last night,(of course I thought he said he was sick to get out of writing 125 times "I will not lie" and an essay about why math is important, but he saved the puke for me, wasn't that nice)
but today by mid morning he was up and playing, so I moved him towards starting on some school work, I pulled up schools website and had him find work to do, he said there was only one thing he could do, in the mean time I called Mrs. Wolz and she stopped to see all of you, or checked the computer and found there were many things Brenden could do.
I sat him down and had a talk with him AGAIN, motivational talk #352.
I am not sure what to say to about, what to do, I thought letting him fail would be an answer, a motivation, something, but I don't think it is and it will drive me crazy in the mean time to give up on Brenden. I am to the point that I told him it is a like failing at a job and you get fired, then you loose everything because you have no money to afford life. So I thought he can strip his room of all possessions and he can earn it all back with money/grades.
School is some big bore to him I guess, he doesn't know what motivates him to fail, but he knows what the motivation is to succeed, so I guess I am even more confused by him now.
If you know what success brings than you put yourself in the mind set of what you want out of life and get there. I had him look up words Belief, succeed, motivate, confidence
he knows the meanings to them but had a hard time showing me what they all mean.
So he is now ready to sit down to a ton of work that I know he is pissed to do.
He had a hard time with his fractions last night and when I tried to help all he wanted to do was argue with me on how to do it, so I say then teach me, well he went back and forth and we ended up with what I told him, HOPE I am telling him right.
He wrote a paper about why Math is important, it was a list of reasons to pass, they were vague so we started with how you use it all day, gave examples, his final answer to me was, you use Math all day long mom, it is important. Who knows if that will motivate him to doing it, asking questions or not.
I am teaching him not to waste anyone's time and money. If he isn't doing the work then why should those try to help him, spending extra time.
Then the other side is so that we don't give up on him, hope, dream, trust, belief that he can do this.
So I am requesting a motivational counselor, or some avenue to reach Brenden and how he views this world, don't just get by in life, succeed and know why you are succeeding , or you will be perfectly unhappy.
This has been going on since 2/3rd grade, one person saying let him fail, then when I do I am told "Did you know he was failing", YES I am well aware of what is going on with Brenden but I have no more answers and I will keep searching for answers. I am involved and I am concerned and I am not sure what to do.
He would like for me to stop talking, lecturing , worrying, I told him "do your job and I will do all of those", of course he smiles, but this is not a new conversation.
Brenden is very smart, its getting him to show you that is the issue. I guess he is saving it all up for a rainy day...
So I wanted to be sure each of you know, I am not ON TOP, of what he is doing. I work, have a toddler, have many things going in my life, but Brenden is a concern, I am always worried, but I also cant take total control or he will NEVER figure it out, but at any point he is lacking in figuring it out on my time schedule.
He is cooking at home, doing chores, being more productive, but I am waiting for what he will do with school. He wants to be homeschooled, I have researched it and if I had the time I would let him try it out.
If ANYONE, has a thought, a book, a person, a magic potion, I am , we are open. His dad says "Let that boy fail, he will figure it out" Will he?
4 comments:
I so feel you Lisa!!!!!!! I'm kinda having the same thing going on with Kayla so if you have anyone that lets you in on a little secret then please pass it my way. I'll be praying for you and Brendon just as I am with Kayla and I.
Brenden's crisis school counselor has recommended two men, we left a message for the one, The school counselor will also be talking to Brenden, I am also considering homeschooling, as we have considered it in the past, I am just worried to do it, for me and for him. I dont want him to be using it as a way out of school and then not perform at home either. Oh what to do with these kids girl. Maybe a few sessions talking with a professional will give us better direction. I need to pass this on to you, I found it last year.
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/FailingChildren.htm
Lisa, one of my favorite songs just came up and now I am going to get distracted! Hands in the air!!!! OH MY GOSH!
after that whole letter all they said were here are the names of two guys?
yea, they were going to talk to Brenden too, thought the crisis guy was going to today but Brenden says he didnt then was wondering what he was going to talk to him about, we had a conversation , calmly about what is going on, we can now see his grades on line broken down, not so good, but we see it is due to not turning in or turning in late, tests are fine, so he is learning it. I got Brenden an appointment for Monday with a counselor that sounds pretty nice, and we had a good talk about Brenden and what I am searching for , for him. I toldhim that I dont want to harm or change WHO brenden is, just help him to be motivated and apply some effort in staying on track with things, follow through, its with more than school that he does this. He lives for today, great trait but you dont get much done for tomorrow. But its all about conforming ya know, please others and follow some rules that dont always apply.
I talked to Brenden too and we sent a letter to his teachers, asking for their assistance in reminding him to turn in work, when work is done he doesnt remember to turn it in, they ask in a noisy room and Brenden is distracted, I know "Hey can you hold his hand on one more thing" but come on lets get him through this and pray maturity will kick in and we can let go a little at a time. I just dont want to ruin self esteem in all this, your not doing this, your failing that, what is your problem, blame game.
He felt better with my note to his teachers. Its one day, one step at a time. I wish someone would have done a smidgin of this effort for me. Oh well, I am blessed to do it for him and pray it is the right thing, He helped to cook dinner tonight and we made caramel apples, photos are coming tomorrow.
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