Back in the school saddle again, well almost!

so Brenden has announced he is ready to go back to school with bitter sweet tears.
He is torn, but he is missing his social life as simple as it may be.
He feels he is missing so much by not being in school and the activities that THAT includes.
I feel for him, and am not totally sure, yet I will honor and respect his decision and know that it will be for the best. I have not given him my all with the homeschool, mostly because I dont have a ton to give.
He wanted this experience and I gave it to him and that is what was important. For him to feel both sides of the street.
He says he will miss being around us, why I am not sure since we fight toddler battles and whatnot. But Brenden is an emotional being and loves to be close to us.
I have told him he still has that after school and that it is important to be a part of his school environment, I am not looking forward to the peer pressure situations that will arise in the future. I will continue to work on encouraging him to be a strong young man who values his life and taking care of himself, his mind and his body.
So we are praying and hoping that this transition will be good and he will walk in to school, his first full day back with a renewed confidence in himself and how wonderfully intelligent he is. Though we are still waiting on those scores, LOL....
will keep you posted I am sure


Today we went to visit with Robbie along with her wonderful daughter Sophia. Sophia nad Brenden did some tutoring in order to bring him up to speed with what his Math class is doing , Ratios, algebra, some things that were lost on me, its been too long since I have had to figure that sort of math out. I think I have noddles in my head these days, so much I dont even try to get out my photography studies so I can advance my career, fearing I will not be able to retain it AT ALL. Then the fact that Devin has to be watched since he is in to anything and everything ALL the time.
Things in this life will fall in to place as God intends it to and I will trust that.
While I wait I will have my margaritas from time to time, Blog when I need to share something, visit with Devin and I's friends and see that Brenden has all the love and support his little heart needs, make sure Bid Daddy eats at least one meal a day and laughs on the weekends, I have not been so good that the later here lately, But I will work harder.

SNOWY Day

well this will be it for today, I am waiting for a client now, then we will cook dinner, then more clients tonight. I am sitting her laughing at Devin who will not let me start Shrek in 3D because he wants to dance to the presong, over and over, he is just bouncing in place, if I could capture it on photo I would but it would not be the same. Silly kid he is.
While he was sleeping today I started preparing veggies for salsa. I miss my salsa.
I opened a jar of Hacienda salsa the other day and it sucked, then I tried again last night thinking it was just the day, NOPE, it sucked. Devin wanted to try it too, stating to him it was hot, I hardly put any on a chip for him, well within seconds I thought he would puke, crying his head off choking, we got a popsicle for the sting, poor kid. I knew then that I had to go out in the snow today (darn, LOL, I love the snow) and get veggies to make our salsa.
I started the pit which took longer to heat due to the cold and well Devin woke in time to grill, so we shoveled and grilled and then came in for cookies and salsa making, yummmmmmmmy good stuff.
ok, my client is here so I am outty, enjoy some photos.

Leave a message

I always forget to say this
If you are stopping in, you dont need an account or even a name, leave me message, a smile, anything, I would love to hear from you.
I know some of my friends visit me from time to time, and they dont blog, thats ok,but you dont leave me a hey, hi, eat shit.
Just a little something to tell me that you stopped by, you read my junk and you are moving on with your day.
And I hope that day is wonderful and full of blessings and inspiration, even when they are hidden, they are always there. Just look a little, you will find them.

Homeschool Blues

What do you do when you have done more than you ever thought possible for your child and then he gets the blues?
Brenden has been down lately, and I so understand, I have a bad issue with getting depressed easily, though I can usually work my way out of it. He is just a child and he does not have the skills yet. I feel like MOM TO THE RESCUE again
silly but an important role to be able to take on for him. He is such a sweet and awesome kid, honestly. I could not have asked, hoped, dreamed of a better son to have by my side. One day walking in to a grocery store with Brenden by my side an elderly, and I mean "elderly" man walked right up to us and said "what a wonderful thing to have such a strong young man by your side, Bless the both of you!" I felt like God was speaking to me right at that moment and I felt it, all the way to my heart, all I could do is say, "yes sir and bless you too" as I put my arm around Brenden and drew him in close feeling, "yes he is and I AM blessed".
Today i asked BRenden to go out and run errands in the snow with Devin adn I. I love to drive in the snow . To feel like the rest of the world can stay in a whine about the cold and the roads and Brad adn I will always find a reason to go out in it, to play in it.
So Brenden wanted to stay home to get his work done. Well since there is no snow days with homeschooling and I let him slack yesterday on math since I just "Didnt feel like it"
I brought him lunch back (after offering to pick him up and go out to lunch), we ate, I had to get Devin down since he was being a huge crab ass. I then started to check Brenden's work, docking points for not doing his work completely (he just puts enough down to get by), this is something we are working on. School wants him to get more on paper, not just the answer, bore them with words I tell him.
Complete sentences, getting his info out on paper. I am leaving him to do alot of this work on his own, he has to figure out how to motivate and drive himself.
Well his math, SUCKED, so I sat down with him and asked questions about what was going on.
1. You wanted to finish fast so you went too fast
2. You did not read instructions
3. You dont want to do it
well BRenden takes his time answering anything, so he finally said he doesnt want to do it, and school sucks and he then says he wants to go back to school, WHAT!!!!!!
This all happend within a 5 minute conversation with him about what was going on.
He is so sad, he misses his social time, but he doesnt miss the teachers and the stress and the work load and blah blah blah
We talked and talked and I hope I made good points, valid points with him about going back doesnt solve the schooling issues. He has to do that at home as much as at school.
the social thing I have been preaching forever it seems about being organized and planned when it comes to having social times with buddies. You call one and if they are not in or say later on they can play than you learn to move on and find out what else you can do. If not I have seen too many times you end up sitting and wasting the day waiting on the friend to call or show up and they dont and well he has to deal with that let down.
Learn to make plans to swim, skate, movies, play pool, have a sleep over or a pizza party for the hell of it. Make the effort to organize a guys night and follow through with it.
Or you can sit and get down and feel sorry for yourself and do nothing about it.
what makes more sense, so he called a friend who earlier had said he would play later with Brenden, sneaking in on the phone call Brenden told the guy I can play now or I am going to call my next friend, wouldnt you know the kid was ready to play then. As Brenden came to ask if he could go out I saw it on his face, the heaviness lifted off of him.
I pray for so much with that kid, I want Brenden to be happy, be motivated, be healthy, feel fullfilled and at peace with who he is and his lot in this life, whatever God intends that to be. I have my suspesions about it, but that is not for me to tell Brenden, it is for him to find out.
I am learning to let go of some of the control I want to have over him and just give him a cheer from the side lines. I am learning, as will he.
For now he is smiling and hopefully laughing with his friend, what more could I ask for in this moment, oh a million dollars, or enough to get my big daddy a newer truck, but thats another blog, another time.
Peace and warmth my dear friends................

25 things about your truly, Thats me!

once you read this, copy and past in your blog so we can learn more about you
they are 25 random facts, goals, whatever about you
this was sent to me via facebook, but I thought I could post it here as well since I took the freakin time to do it right!
so here is some random crap about me that maybe you didnt already know


1. I love to feel at peace
2. I like to blog random stuff, so this really could be easy
3. I love photography and finding new ways to be creative with it, just being creative and the energy it can give me is amazing
4. I hate when I take something I love and try to make money at it, takes all the fun out of it, but I love to make the money, note the balancing thing, it will come up from time to time, I dont have peace with it
5. I hate space invaders, i.e.close talkers, my family knows this, stop laughing girls
6. I miss my fancy cars, my suv is not the same
7. I like to be feel like a bad ass, silly I know (four wheeling, drive nice fast cars, be a biker bitch, stand up for what i believe in and stick up for someone when they are put down)speed and control, its strange but I like it.
8. I love my friends and family and spending time with them is one thing I can do for me, time enjoyed with Robbie, Danielle, Caren, Laura,Eileen, Becky, Jenn, Shannon, Donna, Kristy, why am I typing them all, there are too many, just know my girls and my family, so incredibly important to me
dont buy me a thang, just spend time with me
9.I love being inspired and inspiring others
10. I am a busy girl, multitasking, I think others are full of energy, but Brad points out to me how I take medicine that would make him sleep and I can still go in 5 different directions and wonder at times why I am so pooped out. So I should stop being envious of others and their energy and realize I have enough of my own
11. I am really bad about being ADD, multitasking, I am baking cookies, playing on a few sites with the computer and talking on the phone with Brad right now.
12. I love to cry at church, so freeing, if no one would see me that would be better therefor I could ball my eyes out, nothing like a soul cleansing.
13. I love to watch my children be happy, smile, excited, peaceful
14. I hate when I am a bully to my kids (those bad mommy moments are the so dreadful to me)
15. I love to laugh with my husband, he is the funniest man I know and we get eachother when the world thinks we have lost our minds.
16. I am more honest than I should be probably. What you see is what you get I will not pretend to be someone that I am not.
17. I hate fake people, just be who you are, bad day, bitch day, good day, peaceful day, whatever day you have and who you are, freakin be it.
18. I hate trying to balance life, work, kids, home, I am all or nothing so balance and I dont mix well
19. I am really loud when I get a few drinks in me, wait that is not a secret or anything, are these suppose to be secrets, I am so confused about this little list
20. I smoke ( little) and drink (some) and I should not do either, I think that makes me a HUGE loser
21. I envy runners, not like I would if I could but I watch people who run, some look like they are in pain, I envy those that make it look like they are just floating
22. my journey is to be the best mom God intends for me to be
23. I am learning to be the best wife God intends for me to be
24. I pray to do more for myself after I raise my children
25. I pray my children are the best that they can be, achieve all they want to achieve and more, and be who God put them on this Earth to be, because when my day comes to an end, the last thing I do before I go to bed is check on them and when I see those little faces at peace I know why I am here and I thank God for them.....isnt that precious, its the truth though


so I did it, hope I did it right and hope you are now feeling like better people having learned more random crap about me, you can now move forth in your life, LOL

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!

can you smell um??????? Oh so yummy, of course I had to put some aside for Bid daddy who LOVES, LOVES, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES cookies and the dough they come from.
I even thought about calling him and 15 minutes later the phone rang, it was him, he calls from the road when he is out for a fast errand, outside of that he is swamped at work. So I answered "Can you smell um?" he had no clue but he will be happy to eat them up when he gets home.
I cant help myself, a little snow and a baking I will go!
I wanted to do some baking yesterday since that is when the first round of snow hit but I had to work and then attend my neices bday party. As you can see though all is not lost, I broke out my basket of winter baking necessaties and went to work. We are suppose to get snow tonight so I figure I would have it all ready to go, when the snow starts to fall we can reheat some cookies grab a nice glass of ice cold milk and watch the beautiful snow fall from the heavens!

Prayers for family

Please say a prayer for Brads dad, Bob was driving with his wife to Chicago this weekend, just over an hour drive from where they hang their coats every night and he stated that he was not feeling well and with that passed out, thankfully to God his wife Debbie was driving and was able to get them to a rest stop and call the Hospital, well things were not smooth but they did get to a hospital and he was tested and nothing immediate was found. He has had previous heart blockage and a Benin brain tumor so they safer to return home to their own Doctors, Bob was placed in the hospital and he is still there. They believe he could have had a seizure, but why he would have had that and if he had one is still to be determined, no matter what they could use our prayers at this time.
Please remember Bob and Debbie in your prayers this day and evening, I will update this posting as I learn more......
Such a wonderful feeling to know that I have God friends out there..

Brenden says "why do you and Devin dress alike"? I dont even notice it, HA

Devin says eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!

I am doing laudry this am and pull Devin's pile from the dryer and my slot machine days are growing by one 2 year old, he has a car, play coins and a real coin that stayed in his pants and one green crayon that has broken in two.
and yup you know it, green spots on all his stuff, well I dont have to wear it.
I am not the June Cleaver dresser so I am not scared by these marks, but he walks up to my folding pile and grabs his woobies and stops, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" he says to the green spots on his woobies, HA, well Devin thats what you get from pockets with crayons left in them so welcome to the world of empty your pockets before they hit the dirty hamper brother. But really who am I kidding, like he is going to do this any time soon.

this cracked me up

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were
growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning


. Uphill... barefoot...


BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay


A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it


And how easy they've got it!


But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
Thirty-something, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!


And I hate to say it b ut you kids today you
Don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know
something, We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!



There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!


.Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to
Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!


Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!



We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it w as! It could be your school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent,
you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!


You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel
and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?!
We had to wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
Little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!


That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

Why does it feel like............ somebody's watching me!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL
whats up with that! if we read blogs we should share who we are dont you all think?

Funny stuff no matter what, as Brad says, "You put it out there, someone is going to read it"
Its all fine with me, but why read of someone you dont even know, hmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!
Oh well, hope its happy reading and not what you check while on the pot poopin!
Happy day to all that stop in to read what we are up to, failing at, accomplishing, inspiring, hoping and praying for.

Today is a new day

Dear Lord, I need Your shield of victory to protect me from discouragement. I pray that You would extend Your right hand to sustain me; Your grace to strengthen me; and Your wisdom to lead me. Thank You for Jesus, who stooped down to make me great because of Your great love for me. Today, I find a new starting place with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

there is a book I have come across and I am interested in reading it, the preview states this
Your experience as a mother and a woman is influenced by the mothering you received. If inconsistency or neglect was part of that - or if you realize you're missing something important in your skills as a mom - you need a healthier vision of how wonderful motherhood can be. From her own experience, Suzie Eller provides you a godly, nurturing model. As she walks beside you, she shows you... - How to move beyond the fear that you'll pass on damaging patterns to your children. - Ways to forgive, let go, and leave your parenting baggage in the past. - How to give your kids the gift of good memories and a great future. The past leaves its mark, but so do the hope, forgiveness, and courage to change that God gives. You can celebrate His healing power.. and all that can and will be done in your life as you become the mom you want to be.

Sounds like a book I want to read, I am not perfect and I know that really no one is except the mighty one himself but if I can continue to surround myself with inspiration, my friends who inspire me, the books and verses that inspire me, even my children, probably are the most that inspire me, as strange as that can seem at times, but they are why I am a mom and why I want to be a better mom. I have to let go of anger. That is going to be hard, but I hope easier than I thinkIt sucks that our childhood can have such a strong hold on us for so many years. I have worked through so much of it too. But hormones kick in and I forget all that I have learned.
The journey of my life in mothering continues

just a thought

If I breath any deeper I might pass out!

goal for today, besides breathing deeply

The next time that your child is misbehaving, imagine that he is
wearing a big sign around his neck that says… “I want to belong and feel
significant, but I don’t know how to do it.” Instead of reprimanding for the
misbehavior – stop what you are doing and give him a hug. Reinforce in his mind
that he belongs is significant.
I will add to this, know that he is determinded, and knows what he wants and what he is doing, work through it with him, have a bit of patience.
I will redirect the behavior and do my best to be the best I can today and know that children will follow your lead, no matter where you are leading them.

Inspiration

If you have the ability to desire it, the Universe has the ability to deliver it. You’ve just got to line up with what you want, which means—be as happy as you can be as often as you can be there, and let everything else take care of itself.

so we are trying to get back to Normal, okay we know that is just a setting on the dryer around this house but still.
We are starting to feel better, Brad adn I ended up with Devin's flu, it totally sucked, we both woke on Friday with it, So Brads awesome mom came and got Devin, Brad picked up Brenden from school in between being sick and we stayed in bed for the day, Eileen ended up keeping Devin all night and most of Saturday. By Saturday morning we were so much better but Brads back was trying to fail him, that disc just gives him so much trouble.
So we found that after the illness you have this wonderful crabby mood to deal with, so 3 of us crab cakes and Brenden with his great mood.............
So I am to get back to work today, hope I am up for it when the time rolls around, i need to get Brenden in for a guitar lesson, we have been trying for weeks to get one in.
So nothing to thrilling, we are on the mend though!

Life of bleach, germx, lysol and laundry

I feel so bad for Devin........ last night after we ate dinner and he was running around being himself, even ate ice cream with BBz. After some time had passed, I was waiting for a client to get here Brad had even called to say he was on his way and it was just so normal then Devin farted, he is not a big farter, ok stop laughing, it was the start of it, He says " my tummy hurt" so I decided to give him papaya enzymes , what a wonderful natural remedy for helping food to digest. Well about 30 minutes later he was crying while I was trying to remove clothes from dryer and reload the washer and he bumped his head and I said no Devin stop crying with that upset tummy, well before I knew it , BLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, all over the floors on the door and trash can and his clothes, my clothes. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so I grab the phone as I am grabbing towels to clean him and the floor to call my client to warn her, well she was fine to come along, Brave women she is I guess!
and we proceed to clean the nasty mess up, it was HUGE!
so Brenden came out to help too, only getting towels and changing over laundry so I can get the dirty in to the wash, I get the bleach wipes from Brenden and try to rid of the germs that are all over now.
So the client gets here and Devin is running around like nothing happened, then at some point he gets upset and I am worried he will do it again so I try to calm him, Brad gets in give him a cup of water that I was against. Well I finished my client and as we stand talking in the basement with Devin in my arms he starts again, DAMN IT!
Well Thank God for all my hard wood floors, the night was so freakin long with this poor guy being sick off and on, he was so thirsty for water and thinking the cold water is what got to him, I gave him small sips of warmer water, well nope, he threw it up too, then we tried later in the night, and he threw it up again. Brad went to work and came home to get Brenden from school for me and to help out here, he got some noodles in Devin, one cheese it and some white soda, all was good for some time, then Devin cried and he threw it all up............
Well he has moved on to diarrhea, and I am hoping is at the end of a 24 hour thing, Praying we don't catch it. But I tell ya we have a routine going now. Towels are all over our carpet, he is on the toweled up couch, we have a large bucket with many grocery bags in the bottom and one open on top, it is a good system. He is sleeping, Brad ran in to work, Brenden is finishing up some school work I threw together today (we were suppose to take a field trip to the Magic House)
and I am waiting to do what is asked of me by my kids.
So life is full of bleach, germx, lysol, open windows and laundry right now!!!!

school

is so annoying at times, I meet with the counselor to go over what Brenden has been doing at home and how great his grades are and what I see about him and where he is going and blah blah blah and basically her thoughts of this were as follows, and let me tell you I am not offended since it is not the first time it was said to me, but this has to be viewed from this point of view.
I was not expected to be anything, well I didn't feel that I was anyway. I do not recall help, advice, being asked about school. No one to stand up for me, or see me through, not to say they didn't but I don't have good recollections of my childhood so with my children, I do expect and I am their advocate and I will push and yell at them or at someone else to see us through, I will search for an answer will not listen to no or you can not.
So........................ She said. Brenden got what he wanted, he wanted to be homeschooled and you did it, well after 4 years I did. After everyone saying let him feel consequence let me do his own thing for a while and once I did the phone calls the emails, "did you know Brenden is slipping?" really you DUMB ass, you told me to back off and see what he does and I warned you on what he would do and now you call concerned, why is this going on with these teachers............. as Brad says its like they call to tell us they are failing as his teacher since they dont know what to do , they dont have an answer, they expect to find parents who are un invovled and they find us and then its like now what do they do, well nothing, they do nothing. That is how we feel.
so they tested in 2nd grade, SECOND grade, nope no learning issues. OK
then back to talk to a counselor in elementary school who said "you went to the teacher first right, because they get really upset if you come to higher up first", TOO FREAKIN BAD, this is my kid, not their feelings I am worried about. (by the way I had talked to the teacher, I talk to the teacher every year, even write them a letter on what they can do for him and how he is and what will take place and what we do at home to assist.)
so I get him to middle school and we are working with him, he is easily distracted, I get that, recently we found out he is a bit of ADD but can not take meds due to his heart condition so there is nothing that can be medicated, THANK GOD!
ok, this story will be too long, so I was told I do too much for my kid, he got what he wanted he will work hard to stay home,but not work hard to stay in school. Does she not listen, home has not been easy I am doing extra things to help him discover who he is and how he works.
WHY am I doing all the work that the perfect school and the system should be finding out and figuring out and instead we are being told there is NOTHING that they can do to help him because he chooses to not motivate, what IF there is a problem and they have not found it for lack of testing and investigation?
I found a different person who is suppose to be checking in to his records and fingers crossed she is going to help us out, I found a great book called learning vs testing. I have Brenden who gets low scores on not performing to his full potential since he gives basic answers in written form, and complete answers in verbal execution, he is now dictating and typing it out and we will see what that does. Try it all , do what you can to help your children, believe in them and see them through, the thick and thin and let them know between lectures and yelling how much you love them..........................

Thursday with the boys

well today has been a good day with the kids, we got Brenden from school and brought him home to start home school work while Devin and I ran a few errands. Brenden got all his work done pretty fast and is preparing for his Social Studies vocabulary test tomorrow, he finished his chapter over Greece and we found some videos for him to watch on the history channel website. They covered the war era of Greece which is what Brenden is in to, he then drew out some sketches of a Trojan horse and another of a solider. He is a wonderful artist that I look forward to watching grow in his talent.
We are planning a field trip to the Magic House, we thought tomorrow but I have to meet with school to go over his progress at home, and I am pleased to say he has
97.2% A in Reading, 95.7% A in Math, and 92.5% A in Social Studies
He is mighty proud of himself too. Brenden is going to take a week off from Social Studies next week so I can teach him about note taking and organization, this weekend I will be out of town with my neighbor girlfriends and I hope to use some of that time to brain storm ideas.
I think we will do the field trip next week and try to get big daddy to join us for a few hours, it is always nice to have Brad along for a kid outing, beings he is a big kid himself.
The day proceeded with getting laundry done, playing and goofing with the kids when we had free time.
As I am typing this Devin has gotten in to our plant at the bottom of the steps and this time it is not only on the floor but up about four steps so I had to stop to clean up with Brenden's help and sent Devin without a spanking, that took control, off to his room. That is the safe place for his toosh right now.
Anywho here are some photos to share, note the sword fighting was yesterday.
Today Brenden took a magazine to look through and Devin got one too and climbed up next to Brenden stating " I yub BB!"
then we played with the puffy balls as you see the last photo, Devin will not let me pick them up, he says "No ma ma" I think he is testing me!! he knows this mess is not easy for me to look at.....

Thanks for great conversations

well a great phone conversation to confirm we are all in this life of raising kids together, to confirm how we think and feel is shared with those around us. What we have been through in our lives are shared as well with many around us. We have survived our youth and we will survive the youth of our children and our family's children and our friends children. I put it all together since we all get to ask advice, vent the frustrations to each other and at times discipline when other kids are in our care.
Together we will do the best job God intends for us. Remember to parent from your adult self and not your child that sits hidden in side of you waiting to defend, attack, lash out from past hurts. Heal that kid as you grow up and know that we are growing and changing and becoming better versions of ourselves at every turn.
There are plenty of things that I can down myself about, the fact that I still drink and smoke, what a loser I am. But I know this about myself and I admit it to be a huge downfall for me. Something I hope to someday overcome and move past. I think it is my teenager that wants to keep her dibs in and her bad ass attitude going. I was so tough, LOL!!!!!
I went through so much and know I developed that big attitude to protect myself to not let anyone else hurt me, that one person being a constant strain on my life was enough.
I see my kids and they make me smile.
Devin and his laugh as he is being rambunctious. Brenden and his ability to be so grown up at his preteen age of 12.
I cant wait to see the lives that Brenden and Devin are intended to have, they are amazing little people and I have so much hope for the both of them.
So thanks for wonderful conversations friends and family, phone calls, emails, blogs.
I love to have the communication, it is healing, day brightening, inspiring, and important to me!
Much Love

quick talk

Well I am sitting waiting for a client to arrive, Devin is in bed for a nap, Brad went in to work for a bit and Brenden is finishing his visit with Mo.
We did some shopping today, I had to return a wonderful gift due to it not working properly, then even thought if I could replace it the idea of it in the long run is not so good.
It was a liquor shot dispenser, you drop 6 bottles upside down and you can dispense one shot at a time, great idea. Well one bottle leaked and I thought I dont need that mess, I will get a different one. The longer deeper thought is that I dont need shots easily accessible with preteens running around my home. So I took it back.
We ended up finding jeans for Brad, some clearance thermal shirts for myself, slippers for Devin and two shirts and one pair of pants for Brenden.
I really wanted a nice size crock pot to hold rotel cheese dip for my basement gatherings, but seems that the shelves had been picked over pretty good so we left with our personal items and plan to hit kohls soon to find the perfect crock, oh clients here, so I am outty!!!!!

Happy New Year

to all of you, I hope the new year was rung in with hope and joy, peace and love.
I rung it in while sleeping.
I have been battling a cold for some time now and it just got worse, yesterday was spent in bed trying to rest to get on top of it, which ended up making me feel worse, go figure right!
Today big daddy is back to work andI am back to chasing Mr Devin who as you all know does not stop. He is downstairs now getting in to who knows what.
I thought I would go to the Dr today, but the hawking has changed colors and well maybe I could finally be on the back side of this mess.
Life has been crazy, well since my ------------ is in it again and we are dealing the best we can, we hope for the best but realize in the end we may end up saying we did the best we knew how to help.
so Be grateful for those in your lives that are well sound mind and heart, Cherish the moments you spend with your family and friends and know that a new year brings new hope, new dreams, and new beginnings, it is never to late to start a new and brighter path for yourself, or hold the hand of someone starting one for themselves.
Much love and peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you