Good Morning

I have not been sharing much lately I know, but I feel so much has been going on and the thought of typing it all was not appealing, now I need to get a few things off my chest!
Brenden has been complaining of knee pain, maybe growing pains, then Tuesday he had a palpitation in the morning, then told me another happened while at school. That evening we took Devin to his school ice cream social and then stayed for music in the park eating a funnel cake and sharing a sprite, it was a good evening with my boys. (I will not tell the entire story of how before this I had a horrific headache and Devin with no nap and not wanting to eat dinner, we duked it out)
Wed Brenden woke up and said he thought his heart was racing, crap, I had him lay down with me, I was so tired, and relax see if he just woke to fast or something. We both dozed off for another 45 minutes. I woke him to see how he was feeling and he said a little better. but the feeling was still present.
I took his heart rate and it was 100, that is only 10 above his base line so he was ok, he ate and I drove him with note to school, (I will not tell you how I reamed him for not having his school work organize, turned in, whatever, this is what we have been working on for years with him)
I dropped him came home and decided to call the nurse to warn her he may be down, and he did. I had already tried his dr twice and her called prompted #3. His rate was still 100 and blood pressure fine but he was uncomfortable. Okay is he trying to get out of class, test, bully, or is his hormones kicking in, growing pains and palpitations. I am keeping an open mind and share this with the Cardiac Nurse, she agrees and we decide Brenden needs to try to refocus and see what takes place. As I am talking to her they call again from school, his heart rate is now 108 so I talk to him and tell him relax, is there anything bothering you, check the list off, nothing, knee still hurts, a little light headed and dizzy. I had him staying at nurses office already to rest so there is nothing much anyone can do at this point, he is complain but the BP test and heart rate dont match what he is saying so explain the whole proof thing and that its ok to feel this way and not to have tests to prove it. So I told him to go eat lunch and see how feels, the call back was to say his lunch went well, hear rate had dropped back down to 92 and he was not so light headed, I took him a remedy for headaches and that ended up making him feel even better.
Thursday, I take Devin to dr for Polio shot, and his check up. Dr listens to his heart and thinks she hears something while he is lying down, so we can worry about that till we have it checked out, I have call in to the Cardiologist AGAIN.
Thursday after school Brenden was talking to his buddy Brandon who plays soccer and now Brenden wants to know if he can be a goalie on his soccer team, WHAT, okay lets go back, earlier in the week we hit the thrift store, Brenden who I describe to be a theme kid, lives in the moment, comes to me asking if he can be a hockey goalie, I said NO, why (he has a friend who plays hockey)thinking it would be because of him, he says well I found this helmet I like it so I thought I could be a goalie and wear it. NO BRENDEN!, then 5 minutes later he brings me this red and black striped ref type shirt he loves it and wants to get it so when he play in the court with the kids, soccer, he can be the goalie. The goalie obviously doesn't run so this is a great position for him to play with friends, nothing competitive is allowed with his heart condition. All within reason, and for years we tried to get Brenden to do sports but he is not competitive and usually passed on teams. He did lots as a young one but stopped and only last year got in to wrestling, that being said, last night he decided he wanted to play on Brandon's soccer team, arguing his point I try to explain that No, not a good idea and we end up calling the Dr since I am sure he thinks I am just being mom and saying no.
Well Brad says i have the makings of a great parent with control, but I dont stick to my guns and cave most of the time.
So he talks to the nurse, they say if it is not a select team and they know he can only do so much and the friends dad is the coach and blah blah blah, they can see letting him play goal. I was surprised but thought okay, with in reason. While still talking to Brenden about it all and how I wont be there and what he can and cant do and talk to the coach friend and then Brad calls, he says NO!, well he has not gone through all this talking so I give Brenden the phone, of course he leaves the room talking to dad and ends up crying on the phone, I feel bad and cry too telling Brenden we just dont want anything to happen to you. So I decide to let him go and watch.
He says signs up are over if he likes he can join next year, WHAT! all this and you wouldn't be able to join anyway, well now I think it was a way to save face. I told him dad will be mad I let him go and sure enough Brad was so mad he didn't want to talk to us, Brenden was so excited to go and be a part of it all, but he soooooo lives in the moment I don't think that kid knows what he wants, well everything now and then he is over it, I have a list going
texting
new phone
xbox 360
games
goalie helmet
webkinz
and once he has them he is over them, so I have to work on saying no and staying with no, no matter how much he whines, pouts, cries, asks, wakes me in the middle of the night with his pleas.
I am a sucker I know, I yell, scream, spank, go nuts and then I feel guilty and give in, so brad is going to coach me and teach me to lower my voice and say No and that is final.

THEN while typing all of this school called, Brenden is once again, not turning in work, has a ton of excuses and using his heart as one of them, WONDERFUL.
LORD CAN I GET A BREAK HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So his counselor is awesome, I call her school mom, she was his advisor last year too and I asked her to keep him in this program, he has to check in and out with her to be sure he is up on his assignments, well he was writing it all down and not doing it, this was to take pressure off of me, and to get him more organized without me doing it, well now school is doing it, we have all threatened him with so much and said so much, we have to have action for a change.
I told her last year, he wants you to prove things to him, make him prove to you that he has the work or done the work, well she liked this and it worked. We both see this has to be done this year again.
I told her he is now grounded and do what you have to, kick his ass.
For being one of the nicest kids I know he sure knows how to work us with those sad eyes of his. The thing that makes me aggravated today is he is playing us with this heart condition, that is so NOT okay with me, especially since I have it and I do not play on my condition as an excuse. I do as much as I can and even push myself to do things I should not do.
So we will have a brief talk after school, the long drawn out talks are over around here, he doesn't listen anyway. I will be putting all my words into action now.
So if someone out there has had a strong silent son and has been through similar situations and has a suggestion, I am open to listening. We have tried more than I have put down here, but you never know what will work.
Devin, poor kid, things may get tough on you, and you are not he silent child, he is the loud, bull dog kid.
Thank you Father for these blessings, but you forgot to send their book!
I will be able to write my own soon I think......