Relentless

that's what i feel like, why is it that we as mom's are willing to go over the top for our kids, even if it pisses us off. I can yell from the top of my roof I am not doing this anymore, I am not I am not I am not, then I would climb down and get on this computer to look up information on what I can do to help. I CAN NOT give up on my children. My past is a book that I don't feel like typing but I can say it has brought me to this place of relentless mothering.
I don't recall being a child who was not expected to do anything but stay out of my mothers way
The last of four,
mom is not of sound mind + witness to a bad marriage = poor mothering and lack of wife knowledge (its a love and respect thing for others and self that you miss out on)
to fix this
1. I have had to witness mothers in action,
2. wives in action
3. decide what I want to be and what I expect of myself (nothing like figuring out WHO you are at these ages)
4. heal some learned bad habits
5. receive therapy to help work through the negative energy
I am still a work in progress, BIG TIME.
I love my kids and my husband. I KNOW they are gifts to me, to this world. We have gone through so much together, with my health and getting those kids there, GOD is awesome and he has something very special for those kids.
I wish I was able to do more than I am doing, but getting there is a tough climb for me, I know what my wish list is, I just have to bring it within reach and then not be afraid to go for it.
I want to home school Brenden , get him back on his guitar, stretching, eating healthier, teach him photography, and get him a computer animation course. I want to see him in a drama club or theatre.
I want to send Devin to play with a group of kids 4 mornings a week for about 2 hours. In a safe, nurturing and healthy environment. Learning music and dance
I want Brad do have more planned activities with the kids and it not be of my doing. Have a break with work, but I know what God has for his future so his life at work in all honesty makes sense.
I want to hang with a professional digital photographer for a day, pick their brain, software secrets this would put some final touches on questions I have.
I want to relearn the flute and piano so I can play in my free time.
I want to feel better with my health and take care of myself as I should be doing.
I want a lot right! notice its not a question, I know, I am the most self aware person I may know, ok I think I am!
I see and feel such positive wonderful things for my children and our lives (with big daddy) we are blessed, loved, gifted people and we appreciate all that we have and what God intends for us.
I thank God for the gift of strength he has blessed me with.
I pray for more attitude adjusting and healing from my past, shedding old skin and old pain.
I am healing and lucky to know I am a child of God and through him all things are possible